I believe in fairies! I believe in fairies! I BELIEVE in fairies!
Actually though, I was pretty convinced I was going to turn into a dragon until I was 12. Like- I seriously thought my veins were scales and my shoulder pains were wings growing in. This all stemmed from a love of fantasy that goes back as long as I can remember. I think a lot of it came from my Granny.
Joanne Lynagh was magical. At her funeral, all 9 grandchildren talked about the day they realized they were actually related to her. I was sure she was the Queen of all Mythical Creatures (still might be). On my day, I figured out that that made me a princess! I was pretty sure that also meant I got to become a dragon. Granny used to take me fairy hunting at her house in the North Carolina mountains. She would read to me about all of the mischief the fairies got into, and then we'd be off- looking for circles of mushrooms or fairy houses. She was also the first to get me a book on Merlin, and the one to get me into tarot cards.
I loved living in the fantastical and magical world I created growing up. But that's the thing. Growing up. It sucks. Many adults in my childhood would tell me about how differently I was going to see the world at their age. It made me sad listening to them saying that I'd have to settle short of my dreams. I was even called to the Vice Principal's office in high school in an attempt to convince me out of going to music school. He alluded to the waste it would be if I didn't use my grades to become a lawyer. I humbly embraced my contrarian nature and still went to school for music. I was sad for these people because adulthood looked like disappointment and hopelessness. I never wanted to grow up if it was going to be like that.
Lately I have been thinking about values. (future blog post) What are the pillars that uphold my health, happiness, and sense of self? ... I'll skip over that for now and jump to my relevant next question. What was the thing that convinced me to grow up? We all remember our parents telling us: "You can choose to eat ice cream for breakfast when you are the adult." But, I don't think that was the tipping point for most of us. At least, not for me. (but very possibly was for my sister who loves ice cream more than anyone else I know and possibly life itself) There eventually came a time where there was something I needed so badly and was missing, that I chose to abandon my imaginary castle for a stack of homework. I think everyone has had that moment.
It's not bad at first. I had a new dream that required real-life foundations to get to. The coolest part was that this one could actually come true! I may never sprout literal wings and breathe fire, but I could win a Grammy.
A Grammy is a concrete goal. I have seen (and can see) myself in a beautiful gown; giving my speech and holding my golden trophy. But in my search, I realized that wasn't the carrot on a stick that convinced me to wander into the real world. There was a more fundamental idea behind the dream that made me pull the trigger.
Influence. Mine was influence. I so desperately wanted to have an effect on the world around me. I wanted to change my and others' circumstances for the better. This was the thing that pulled me out of my fantasy long enough to get good grades, practice music, and think about college.
At first- you're fed hope. You can do anything you put your mind to! If you work hard enough, anything is possible! The world is your oyster! Just get the right education, always make a good impression, and do what it takes. It starts to feel like the stick's in your shirt and you're never getting any closer to the carrot. And then, when you're drowning in debt and working a dead beat job, it turns.
"You can't have the carrot. No one get's the carrot. But here- have the stick."
You can't do everything. That's just the way it works. Don't mess with a good thing. I could go on. Suddenly a world full of hope and possibility becomes a fight for just getting by. Along the way, we forget why we were willing to take the journey at all. We're tempted with 'managing' and 'normalcy'. We're offered routine and small promotions as consolation prizes. We become convinced that having a family is the greatest gift and goal of all. We don't wanna miss out anyways while all our friends are doing it too.... We hold the stick and our kids picture their own carrots.
Fuck that. I'm so sick of being told that being an adult means learning that you have to settle. Accepting that you just make the best of what you have and not fight. Or you can pick one thing to try to change. Honestly, that's not worth it. I'm convinced that if every adult decided not to accept their circumstances as "just the way things are" and chose to fight for a better tomorrow, the world would be better for it. The world would work for everyone and dreams could come true again. Because the biggest lie we are convinced of is that now is normal and normal won't change.
We live in a world we couldn't explain to our ancestors. We use light-up bricks of metal to access an invisible source of almost infinite knowledge and content. Technologies have become the building bricks of a whole new world-wide society. New forms of culture (I.E. social media) have crossed language and legislative lines to create communities never before thought conceivable. Progress has only exponentially grown and changed. Somewhere along the way we just forgot why we strive for progress. Progress is about improved quality of life- not merely productivity. Efficiency is a byproduct of both, but the benefits of it should be for the people not the institution. AKA we shouldn't call improved productivity numbers progress if it's at the cost of general individual quality of life.
Yeah, yeah- I know. There I go on my long rant about how we and the world deserve more. How dreams can come true and how people should have hope. Think me naive all you want. And maybe it is idealistic, but that's my point. Kids are capable of having grand ideas and working towards great ideals without mundane or pessimistic hindrance. And there are kids that have done amazing things with that mindset and creativity. Malala Yousafzai, Greta Thunberg, and plenty of others.
So Peter Pan Me Bitch. I'm working towards a better future. I'm going to make the world I live in look a little more like the one in my head. I hope you will too.
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